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Abusive relationships are based on the mistaken belief that one person has the right to control another person. When the abusive partner feels that the actions described in the spokes of the Power & Control Wheel are no longer effective, he/she resorts to physical and/or sexual violence. The relationship is based on the exercise of power to gain and maintain control.
Power & Control in Domestic Violence
When one person in a relationship repeatedly scares, hurts or puts down the other
person, it is abuse. The Power & Control Wheel lists examples of each form of
abuse. Remember, abuse is much more than slapping or grabbing someone.
 
Move your cursor over a section of the wheel to find more information.
Using Intimidation
- Making you afraid by using looks, actions, or gestures
- Smashing things
- Destroying property
- Abusing pets
- Displaying dangerous weapons
Using Emotional Abuse
- Putting you down
- Making you feel bad about yourself
- Calling you names
- Making you feel guilty
- Making you think you are crazy
- Playing mind games
- Humiliating you
Using Isolation
- Controlling what you do, who you see and talk to, what you read and where you go
- Limiting your outside involvement
- Using jealousy to justify actions
Denying, Minimizing, Blaming
- Making light of the abuse and not taking your concerns about it seriously
- Shifting responsibility for abusive behavior to other people or circumstances
- Saying the abuse didn't happen
- Saying you caused the abuse
Using Children
- Making you feel guilty about the children
- Using the children to relay messages
- Using visitation to harass you
- Threatening to take the children away
Using Male Privilege
- Making all the big decisions
- Acting like the "Master of the Castle"
- Being the one to define men’s and women’s roles
- Treating you like a servant
Using Economic Abuse
- Preventing you from getting or keeping a job
- Making you ask for money
- Giving you an allowance
- Taking your money
- Not letting you know about or have access to the family income
Using Coercion and Threats
- Making and/or carrying out threats to do something to hurt you
- Threatening to "out" you
- Threatening to leave you, to commit suicide, to report you to welfare or INS authorities
- Making you do illegal things
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