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November 13, 2023

Domestic Violence: Common Misconceptions

There are many misconceptions about domestic violence. We want to help share the truth about them.

DOMESTIC VIOLENCE IS CAUSED BY ALCOHOL AND DRUGS

This is a common misconception.  There are many people who drink and use drugs without ever abusing their partners. While abusive partners may have been drinking or using drugs during episodes of domestic violence, forms of abuse are still happening with or without it.  Sometimes, the use of alcohol and/or drugs can escalate the violence – but it does not cause it.  There are many people who abuse others without drinking or using drugs.

DOMESTIC VIOLENCE HAPPENS WHEN SOMEONE LOSES CONTROL

Domestic violence is not about anger management or high levels of stress.  It’s actually quite the opposite of losing control – it’s all about being in control.  The abusive partner uses different forms of abuse to maintain power and control over another person.  They can maintain their composure around many people such as coworkers, neighbors, law enforcement, and many others, which shows they are in control of their behaviors and actions.  The abusive partner chooses to inflict violence and abuse on those they are hurting.

DOMESTIC VIOLENCE IS ALWAYS PHYSICAL

When we hear domestic violence, many people think of physical violence. Often, that’s what we read in the news or see in the media.  But there are so many other ways abusive partners attempt to maintain power and control over another person. There’s emotional abuse, which many victims report to be just as bad or sometimes worse than the physical abuse they endured. There’s also sexual abuse, psychological abuse, financial abuse, isolation, threats, property destruction, coercion (use of force, intimidation, or threats to get someone to do something), and harming pets. Sometimes it’s hard for people to know they’re in an abusive relationship because it’s not physical and it started gradually over time.

CHILDREN AREN’T AFFECTED BY DOMESTIC VIOLENCE

Children don’t have to witness domestic violence to be impacted.  Even if they don’t witness any incidents or if they’re sleeping when the violence occurs, they are still affected. They might hear the violence or feel the tension in the home. They’re also likely to notice any aftermath of the violence, which can be difficult for them. Sometimes children witness and learn behaviors that aren’t healthy but they believe it’s normal because it’s what they’re used to. Being around domestic violence can impact a child’s physical health, behavior, mental and emotional health, relationships with peers and parents, and learning.

IF IT WERE SO BAD, VICTIMS WOULD JUST LEAVE

This is an incredibly harmful myth.  It minimizes the abuse a person experiences and implies they must be fine with it. This couldn’t be farther from the truth.  There are many barriers to a person leaving their abusive partner (trust us, we would know).  The first thing to understand is that leaving is the most dangerous time for a victim. The abusive partner feels the control slipping away and can lash out in extremely dangerous ways.  Many people leave and return to their abuser an average of 7 times before leaving for good — or being killed.  Some other reasons for not leaving include fear of the abusive partner, lack of financial resources, lack of transportation, lack of housing, fear of homelessness, concern for children being alone with the abusive partner after separation, no support system, feelings of love, and more.

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